Above, the OR, just getting started and ready for two new babies...
I was honored to be a doula for my friends Kris & Erik and the birth of their twins this week. I was so consumed by so many emotions, thoughts, preconceptions as the due date crept closer and closer. I didn't have time to resolve any of them though because the babies were born in an unscheduled (almost, but not quite emergency) Cesarean section on Wednesday, 12/09.
Kris is a wild-fire type of woman, there is nothing that she can't do if she sets her mind to it. And, once she makes up her mind there is NO changing it! She did ask me several times throughout her pregnancy for advise, what to do about this or that, what to eat to reduce the size of a fibroid tumor, how much water to drink, what prenatals to take...I was frustrated with the fact the she would ask, start those conversations and then not do the "right" things. She constantly talked about a c-section as if being pregnant with twins relegated her to it. That frustrated me to no end because I knew she was filling her head and her body with the message that she could not do a natural birth. I knew that once she believed that that it would become her reality. I was frustrated with the fact that she'd be in surgery and I am sure that many of my frustrations were directly tied to
my opinion that a c-section was as bad as death for me. My biggest fear, one that I refused to acknowledge (except for the one time my midwife talked to me about it) was the possibility that an emergency would happen and I would need a c-section. I do understand that sometimes they are medically necessary. But not nearly as often as they are performed in the US. Soooo...all of my baggage leads me to Wednesday...when Kris called me and said that she was having a c-section (c/s) at 3:30 and could I be at the hospital by 2:30?
"Yes! I will be! How are you? Nervous? Hang in there honey! It will be ok! I'll see you in a few hours!"
And I was. I was her doula. I don't know if I did what she expected of me, we still have to talk about that, and I know that Kris will be honest with me. I think I did ok for my first birth, especially for a birth that was the stuff of MY greatest fears and was appalled by. I rubbed Kris' feet, back, shoulders and hands for a few hours, (they delayed her c/s for an hour)braided her hair and chatted with her and Erik. I rolled up a washcloth for her to bite and squeeze when they did her spinal block. I was so scared for her, she was wheeled down to the OR all alone. Nurses and Dr's don't count...she was alone, (without someone who cared for her) for the spinal block part, the part she was petrified about. Then, after her hubby, other friend and I were all gowned up, and Kris was prepped, the anesthesiologist opened the OR doors and waved us down.
Erik sat by her and held her hand so tight and rubbed her arm. It was so touching to see him so obviously scared for her, worried and knowing he was helpless. He was a gem comforting her and trying to take it all in. I stood over Kris' head and talked to her, made sure that she was not feeling any pain. Her oxygen mask was driving her crazy so I held it above her face and put my other perpetually cold hand on her hot forehead. I told her as her babies were being born, told her to listen to that beautiful little cry....it was incredible watching...the busy OR, full of 2 neonatalogist teams, 2 OBs, surgical nurses, anesthesiologist, 2 nurses for anesthesia and friends and hubby. I rubbed her shoulder as it started to hurt; they had to go "digging" for baby girl and that stress on the uterus really does translate up to the shoulders. Then, quick as a flash, babies were out and stable. I followed them and Daddy to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). I was told by Kris and Erik that my job was to be the advocate for one of the babies. They didn't want either baby to have the vitamin K shot unless it was preservative free. They didn't want any vaccines until the following days when mom and dad were both present. My job was to be sure that happened.
I did my job...then I got kicked out.
First let me tell you that the NICU nurses and pediatrician teams were great! They were quiet, calm, gentle and spoke kindly to the babies. Both babies were in separate rooms, hence my presence with one baby. I heard the nurse say something about vitamin K and get a syringe. At that point I spoke up and asked if it was preservative free. I got a quizzical look and the answer "no." I explained that I was there because it was important to the parents that baby not get the shot unless it was preservative free. They didn't give the shot, but looked for a supervisor. The nursing supervisor found me, was quite rude in asking who I was and what I was doing there. I explained it all to him (I later found out that Kris and Erik had met with him about 5 hours earlier and told him that I was going to be with one of the babies and why!) and he kicked me out. At that point I was ok with being kicked out even though I was hopping mad, because I had done my job. I advocated for baby and her parents.
I am saddened by the hospital procedures, not allowing a patient advocate
appointed by the parent to be with a baby in parents absence and in not having an informed consent or permission to administer non-emergency medication (shots, like vitamin K). That just outrages me! They were about to give a non-medically necessary, not legally required medication WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT! HELLO!?!?!?! Does anyone else see a problem here?!?!?!?! It just fuels my fear, distrust and apathy for hospitals. Now, let me explain that I do know what the vitamin K shot is for, we had it given to G-Man, preservative free when he was a day or 2 old. It can also be administered orally.
So, my day was full of facing my own fears, dealing with a system that I think has big faults, meeting incredibly nice nurses and doctors, holding a friends' hand and being overwhelmed. I am still having a hard time sorting it all out.
I am so happy for my friends and their new babies! I am so happy that everyone is healthy and doing well! I am honored that I got to witness the entrance of two new lives into this world. It was a gift that I will never be able to repay, a trust placed with me that means the world to me. Kris taught me alot, and I never asked her to. Now I need to listen...Thank you Kris and Erik. I love you guys!
Daddy reading G-Man, Monster and Cat (crawling into the stuffed animal box) a bed time story.
Helping Daddy install the baby gate at the top of one set of stairs. "Ohhhhh, power tools!"
G-Man is helping Santa with jingle bells at my mom's house the week before Christmas!
Meeting Santa with Mommy & Daddy!
Christmas Eve at our home, here with my Mom.
Christmas Morning at our home and presents from Santa
