Farmers Market Time!!

I love shopping the St. Paul Farmer's Market! This morning I ventured out with my friend Melissa (ya, 2 Mellissa's out together spells TROUBLE!) who introduced me to the Farmers Market. It was a great early morning errand and we got some fabulous food from local farmers and producers. It's super expensive to be certified organic, so very few of the farmers have that label, however most all of the tables have signs that say 'grown pesticide and chemical free' so it's really easy to buy fresh, chemical free food that tastes delish! I spent around $40 today and got: a bunch of daisies, cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, table onions, spinach, romaine and red and green leaf lettuce, 1# of asparagus, wild rice beef brats, radishes, 1 dozen free range eggs, some chipotle gouda cheese, and eggplant hummus, YUMMY!!! I love shopping local & feasting on such great whole foods.

Peace for my Heart/Being a Mother

I look at my sleeping, perfect, little boy and I realize that my 36 years spent as a girl, woman etc was completely empty and clueless. I thought I knew what love was and how deeply it could run through the very core of my being. I didn't know a thing! I love my hubby more than ever, I love this 18 week old creature so much that it hurts, it physically hurts! I find so much peace in being with G-Man, spending time at home together. It's here that I know he is safe, the danger is 'out there.' Elma, a gal I work with told me that little babies have little worries, big kids have big worries for Moms. She is so right! I feel nearly paralyzed and my chest tightens, gets crushed feeling, my pulse races just thinking about saying goodbye to him on a school bus, watching him go overnight to someone elses home, driving off in a friend's car, him driving off...what if there is a bus accident, car crash, someone hurts him...I don't know how the world could continue to move if anything happens to him. I tear up watching the news when I hear of a child or young adult that is injured, missing or killed. All I can do is cry for that mom, clutch G-Man and pray so fiercely and try to bargain with God for G-Man's long, happy, healthy, safe life. Anything, I will give anything for him to have that. I saw this on a friends blog and asked her if I could post it here. It sums up so many of my emotions and fears better than I can right now. Oh, and the peace for my heart...it's watching G-Man sleep, hearing my Lord tell me that He is in control and He loves us even more than a mother can love her child (ya, an impossibility made possible only by our heavenly Father!) Thanks Toni for sharing this:

Being a mother

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of 'starting a family.''We're taking a survey,' she says, half-joking. 'Do you think I should have a baby?' 'It will change your life,' I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I know,' she says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations....' But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking 'What if that had been MY child?' That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of 'Mom!' will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep her from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room. However she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. 'You'll never regret it,' I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God...being a Mother.

I cannot get through that without crying. So, happy (very!) belated Mother's Day. I never knew how much my Mom loved me until G-Man was about a week old...it hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to sit down. I had no idea how deep this could run. I love you Mom!!!

A Boy Day

As usual, Friday is Daddy Day Care day at our house. G-Man and K spend the day together while I am at work. We are so blessed the K can work 4-10 hour days and have Fridays with his son. I was madly, crazy in love with my hubby before G-Man was born, but watching him care for our son so tenderly, play with him, talk to him and read to him and laugh with him just brings my love for K into a whole new realm that I didn't even know existed. If you would have told me I could love him more, I'd have laughed at you.

Today while I was at work my two boys went on their first errand together without me! I know it's been a little hard on K since we are still breastfeeding and the milk I pump has to be heated to about 98 degrees F for G-man. It does "strap" them to the house a little. Today though, at 18 weeks old, they ventured out. Where do boys go on errands? Hmmm, they go to the brewery store and pick up a home beer brewing kit with a friend. Naturally a thermos of boiling water and a cooler with Mommy's Milk is along too, just in case a bottle needs to be heated for the little one. Unfortunately, there were no pics taken to commemorate the occassion.

part II of A Day in the Life of G-Man and Mommy

We continued our day with some reading and playing.

Then we practiced rolling over! G-Man is getting really close to doing this all on his own!

That was followed by more giggles and making faces and sounds ~ finding G-Mans new voice! (By the way, this is my favorite picture of the day!)

There was a nap in there somewhere, but I slept too, so there isn't a picture of that. After nap time we took the Monster dog to the park for a walk and some frisbee.

There was more playing and books, then it was bath time and getting ready for bed. Again, no bed time picture, I didn't want to risk the flash going off as I was just getting a very tired boy to bed!

So, that's how we spend our days. They are full of lots of fun, kisses, hugs and giggles. I couldn't ask for anything more!

Part I of A Day in the Life of G-Man and Mommy

Not much time for writing, but we thought you would enjoy a little glimpse into our regular day! It starts out playing and giggling in bed (on days I don't have to go into work)

Today is Sunday, so we went to church.

Then nap time. Today's nap started in the car on the way home from church so I parked in the garage when we got home, opened the driver side car doors for air circulation and played frisbee in the front yard with Baxter.

Of course, there is a lot of nursing going on...

And tummy time too!

We'll be back later with the last half of our day!

i need to work on this...

I am terrible at taking self-portraits.

1. I generally hate pics of me


2. my camera is big and hard to balance in my hand and reach the shutter button


3. I never seem to be able to remember to have the tripod and my remote shutter around
   

But, I am going to make an effort this weekend to do 1 grouping of self-portraits each day. Well, a self-portrait of the G-Man and I, not just me! He turned 4 months old yesterday and this pic is a sad example of the self portrait I took. Yuk. I really want to get some fun pics of he and mommy. It's wonderful how much he is growing and changing nearly every day! He is smiley and just a trooper with all the teething. Also, he is starting to show fear and that he gets scared. I was re-enacting for K a *very* scary HUGE spider incident that I had at work and I was jumping all over and yiping (it was a great re-enactment if I do say so) and my poor little G-Man looked at me, got a worried look on his face, the lower lip started to quiver and he was crying! Tears and all! I just looked at K and said, "See, even he is scared by the spider!"

G-Man is also getting really, really close to rolling over from his back to his tummy. We practice every day! I love this time with him and I want to capture one of our regular days...so maybe that will be my photo assignment this weekend. Capture a day in the life of G-Man and Mommy. Hmmm....this is starting to take shape in my head. I guess I'd better get the camera battery charged, my remote shutter shoved into my pocket, the tripod handy and at least a 1GB memory card in the camera, it's photo shoot time! I will share our day with you later this weekend! Have a safe, reflective Memorial Day weekend.

pesky sunshine!

I am trying to figure out ways to protect my sweet little red-headed new baby from the damaging rays of the sun. It's not easy! He cannot have sunscreen on his little new skin until he is at least 6 months old. I got really excited about a product here by Rit dye company that allows you to wash in UPF 25(Ulltraviolet Protection Factor) into your laundry. Then I kept reading and it cannot be used on clothing for kiddos under 6 months of age. However, this is still my fav new summer product! This product increases the UPF of your clothes by 20 and it lasts 20 washes. It's like applying sunscreen to your clothing while you wash. I have heard great things about it from folks at REI; and we all know *they* live outside!!! I think I will still get some and wash the hubby's and my clothes in it. I guess for the next few months my little boy will be relegated to early morning walks in a stroller with a BIG sun canopy. Our pediatrician, Dr. S, did tell us that one layer of sun protection is not enough, that we need to keep him outta the sun...I certainly don't want a crispy boy so that is what we'll do!

gotta work on my timing

Ok, so this gorgeous boy of mine *was* talking up a storm and I wanted to capture that perfect little voice so I grabbed the video camera...and, as soon as I got it turned on, he quit talking. So, enjoy the video of him eating his sleeve instead! He's so darn cute that watching him do anything is wonderful! I am so blessed!

Growin is hard work!

Little G-Man had his 4 month well-baby check up today. Of course, he is doing fabulously! He is 25 3/4" long which puts him in the 75th percentile for height. His weight is 14 pounds 4 ounces which is in the 50th percentile. Or, as Dr. S put it, he is long and lean. G-Man is 16 weeks old today, and will be 4 months old already next Thursday. I can't believe how fast this is going! Oh, and K and I knew that our little boy was teething, and Dr. S confirmed that today...there are 3, yes 3! teeth that are going to pop thru soon! Yikes! We are still nursing and loving that, with plans to start introducing food just after 6 months. I think his first food will be an avocado. Yum! We plan on making G-Man's baby food; with help from my mom and mother in law I will be doing lots of canning and pureeing and freezing this summer. We'll be getting lots of nice, fresh produce from the local farmers and farmers market. I am looking forward to introducing him to avocados, sweet potatoes, fresh sweet peas, green beans, mangos, broccoli...mmmm!

Juggling act

jug·gle
Pronunciation: ˈjə-gəl
transitive verb: to handle or deal with usually several things (as obligations) at one time so as to satisfy often competing requirements

I have never been able to juggle. The whole ability to keep 2 bean bags in the air and one moving in the hand is lost on me. Now, I find myself in the middle of the most demanding, most difficult, most important juggling act of a lifetime and I still can't do it. I don't like to do something if I can't do it really, really well so this is eating away at me and I feel like such a failure. I am not doing my job as well as I used to, my attention and worries are elsewhere and I am only in the office 3 days a week. I am not paying the attention to my amazing hubby that I used to; he is my best friend and I feel like I am drifting away from him because we just don't have anymore "us" time. I feel like I am shortchanging my perfectly beautiful son because I am at work 3 days a week. I wonder if I am stimulating him and giving him all the things he needs to thrive, develop and grow healthily and proper. He is 3.5 months old now, what milestones should I be helping him to try to reach? Rolling over, reaching and grabbing things, pushing things...? I hate the feeling of feeling like I am failing at all 3, this sucks. It's like I can't do any of them well enough, I just can't juggle...