Nine months, three days ago I was a secure, certain-minded, assertive professional woman who could assess a situation, research if necessary, and make a decision. And stand by said decision. And be happy with said decision. I was fearless too. I rode my Harley without a helmet for years. I climbed Devil’s Tower in Wyoming (and other tall rocks too). I did triathlons. I enter burned out homes for work. And I never worried.
That all changed 9 months and 2 days ago…forever!
Is his car seat fastened into my car tight enough? Did we get the safest car seat? Is he warm enough? Is he too warm? Is he hungry? Am I producing enough milk for him? Did I buy him the right educational toy for his age? Am I singing and playing the right songs to him? Am I missing something and not helping him develop the right skills for his age level? He’s asleep, but I can’t hear him breathing...is he breathing??? Am I going to be able to teach him to stay away from strangers and to tell me if someone hurts or touches him? What if kids tease him and bully him because of his red hair? Are the roads too wet, is my hubby going to be safe getting to and from work? Are drunk or distracted drivers going to go out of control on the interstate and kill one of on the way to work today? Are we in jeopardy of losing our jobs? What if the water heater explodes? The chimney for the fireplace runs outside baby’s bedroom wall; are we sure it doesn’t have any cracks and won’t start a fire? What if we hit a deer? Will we roll the vehicle? Are all the outlets covered? Will his allergies to the dog suddenly get worse and make him stop breathing? Is he crying because something hurts? Am I living as a good example of Christ’s love? Am I being the wife and mother I should be to these 2 men in my life? Have I denied Jesus like Judas did? Am I brave enough to tell those I love, and strangers alike about Jesus and His love for them? What if the Rapture happens today? What will happen to those I love who have not welcomed Jesus into their hearts?
Here are links about the Rapture:
http://www.bible-truth.org/myst-3.htm
http://www.bible-knowledge.com/The-Rapture.htm
http://www.rapturechrist.com/rapture2.htm
And this is all in my head before I get out of the shower in the morning. There is so much more that continues to play on a continuous loop in my head, softly running in the background, darkening each moment, threatening to overtake the joy in my heart as I hold, play with, snuggle my baby and touch, smile and kiss my husband. It’s a scary darkness and there are times when I seriously wonder if I could just stay home all day, every day, and play and teach my son there.
Then I take a deep breath, pray to God on high that we will be protected, safe and that my family will return home together each nite. I pray for peace and calm so that I can enjoy the moments we have. And I remember this:
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Philippians 4:4-8 NIV “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”
Psalms 119:49-50 NKJV “Remember the word to Your servant, Upon which You have caused me to hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life.”
Psalms 103:10-14 NKJV “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows how we are formed; He remembers that we are dust.”
1 Peter 5:6-7 NKJV “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”
God does love YOU! Good deeds aren’t enough to get into heaven. Let’s face it, none of us are good enough. The best part is God doesn’t care! (Ok, He does. He does want us to try) But He knows we’ll fail. We’re human, we do that. What we have to do is turn our hearts to God and ask Him to forgive us. Ask him to come into our hearts. He wants us to love Him. He loves us. He loves you, more than you can imagine. And yes, it IS that simple! I love you all and am praying that you will decide to turn to Jesus today.
-Mellissa
3 comments:
Thank you!
Thank you for loving God and for sharing Him with others!!
Thank you for loving your family and for giving them to God to protect, nurture, and raise up.
Thank you!!
"The Lord does not burden a soul beyond its capacity." - Qur'an, 2:286.
That is my favorite quote from the holy book of Islam... it is so true. And then never forget the wisdom from the 12-steppers:
Let go and let God.
Not to mention the serenity prayer.
You know the answers to all of the questions you asked, but in case you needed to know, here you go:
wiggle it; if it doesn't move, it's in tight enough. if it wiggles, tighten it. Did you put thought into which car seat you got? uh huh. Are his hands warm? His torso? his feet? screw toys. You're singing to him - you could just be ignoring him or setting him in front of toys that buzz and squeak all day. No, you're not missing anything. Yes, he's still breathing. Of course you'll be able to teach him what he need to know, because you love him. And you will instill in him the self confidence in himself that he will need to just smile that AMAZING smile at any jerks who try to tease him about his red hair. And okay, I gotta stop. But you get my point. Mellissa, all any of us can do is do good, care for each other and the earth, and be upright and moral models for our children and others around us. The rest of it you have to take a big, big breath about and commend your worries to your higher power. You cannot control it all, you cannot make the world perfect, as much as you want to, for your heart walking (or in this case, crawling) around outside your body.
Cut off that endless loop! Say "have I done my best?" - and if you have, raise your hands to heaven and say out loud "I'VE DONE ALL I CAN! BLESS THE REST!"
Love you.
Ladies, I love you both so much! Thanks for your kindness, support and love!
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