peace after the storm

Deep breath, relax, exhale…I want to say “thank you” to all of you who have remembered Baby, K and I in your prayers and for passing us along to your prayer chains. I have been reading and re-reading the scripture verses that were posted for me as comments on my blog and on the blogs of two other blogger/scrapbooking/prayer friends. Those verses have been so helpful to me. Thank you! Here they are:

When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. ~Psalm 94:18-19

And

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10

And this too:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I am really feeling surrounded by peace and comfort right now. I feel like there is the same sense of hope and wonder and excitement that I had before the fibroid news at the ultrasound. I am back to being determined to *enjoy* every day of pregnancy and I believe with all my heart that I will grow a healthy child whom I get to meet in February.

Too, this morning a thought hit me like a bus. Since WHEN do I just take the word of a medical doctor as gospel? Me? Never! Yes, he is educated but his tool box is limited. He practices western style medicine only and did not seem interested in pursuing any complimentary or integrated medicine approaches. The human body is amazing! God made us pretty darn complex and I don’t believe that any single approach is ever the best answer. We need to integrate many facets to achieve whole health and wellness and vitality. I called my chiropractor and talked to her. She already has a copy of the radiology report and she is going to work with a nutritionist she trusts to put together some dietary recommendations for me. I talked to our midwife who is also a naturopath doctor and she will have some homeopathic remedies and such for me at our next appointment in less than two weeks.

K and I both feel blessed that we were lead to amazing women for my health care and that of Baby. We trust both of them and know that the Lord has brought us to the right place for care. I trust the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, and I *KNOW* that He is taking care of us. Thank you for your continued prayers. The peace and happiness I feel are deep within me and I know that we are safe. We just ask for continued prayers that we have a healthy pregnancy, labor and delivery and that the fibroid becomes an inconsequential thing not affecting Baby or me in any negative way.

baby update

We had the specialist appointment today to discuss the fibroid and how it may affect me and the baby. Turns out that there is not a damn thing we can do about it. It's there, it may grow, it may not. If it does start to affect the baby, it can't be operated on. It just stays there. I am angry. I am frustrated and I am pissed off (sorry Mom, but I am PO'd). I am at an increased risk of miscarriage and according to the doctor, each week longer we stay pregnant is a good week. There is an increased risk of preterm labor, starting as early as 20 weeks. And again, not a damn thing I can do...there are no activities that make it worse or better, no foods, nothing, just normal pregnancy living. Oh and praying too, of course. I was reminded again tonight that God already knew all this and that I am soooo not in control. It's hard to be reminded of that. It's hard to realize that my dream birth might not happen, it's hard to hear that passing the 12 or 14 week mark doesn't mean that my risk of miscarriage goes down.

So, all we can do is pray and watch and wait. We go for another ultrasound in about 4 weeks and see the specialist doctor after that again. In the meanwhile, we keep our regular prenatal appointments with our midwife.

We did learn a little about fibroids too. This fibroid is actually in the muscular layers of the uterus. It's not inside the uterine cavity or suspended outside of the uterus like an independent growth. This fibroid is pretty large already and is like a large bundle of semi-muscular tissue that is in the layers of the uterine muscle. It cannot be safely operated on while I am pregnant. The uterus is too vascular and it would be a surgery that could cost me my life so they don't attempt it unless there are dire circumstances. The fibroid has probably been there for years, but it was likely the size of a marble or smaller. Fibroids seemingly "explode" in growth when there is a lot of estrogen in the system...like during pregnancy! Typically, 4-6 months after birth the fibroids shrink back down to almost nothing. Oh, and the hormones that affect the fibroid are my hormones, not the baby's - so even if it's a girl, her hormones wouldn't affect it.

K was a dear and reminded me that we have had lots of wonderful things happen in this pregnancy and that this is not necessarily bad, it just "is." But tonight, with all those damn hormones raging through my body I am mad and frustrated.

If you have some extra time, I'd sure appreciate some prayers. Please pray that I calm down and hand this over to God. Pray that the fibroid is an "inconsequential" part of my pregnancy and does not affect baby, labor, delivery or me.

a new and strange craving

I have *hated* cantaloupe for as long as I can remember. It has a nasty texture, a weird flavor and is just yukky! Whenever I order a side of fruit I always pick around the cantaloupe melon. It's been on my yukky list with tomatoes...

...until the last 2 weeks that is! I have found that my first pregnancy craving is cantaloupe! It's so strange to want a food that I normally detest! In the last 24 hours I have eaten an entire cantaloupe on my own. I have another one on the counter to slice up and I know I will be cutting into it tomorrow. Yum!!!! I am loving this!

Something *has* to be wrong with us!

Finally a stuffed animal that has a chance against the Monster Dog!

We are probably 90% done with the yard re-model/landscaping project! Both K and I are pretty pleased with how everything turned out. We hauled close to 5 yards of top soil in, leveled it and planted grass seed on Sunday morning! All we have left is to finish up the re-plumbing of the outside faucet on the front of the house, pour a new concrete step (the ones I uncovered when I removed the old front entry deck are great, but the first step sunk so we need to remove it and pour a new one), and then level the back yard and plant grass seed there! The end is in sight!

The part that makes us insane though is that with that project not even done we spent about 6 hours running around this weekend looking at flooring for the kitchen. We are going to remodel the kitchen starting around the end of August: new floor, new countertops and sink, refinishing our cabinets with new doors and drawers, and new railings leading to the upstairs and downstairs and new paint on the walls. A pretty big undertaking! Oh, and sometime in September we are hoping to get the baby’s room done too!

So, this week we push to finish up the yard project so we can start a major kitchen remodel! Did I mention that my goal budget for the kitchen is $1800? Ya, the WHOLE kitchen! We are so crazy!

I am so blessed by you!

Six days ago we saw our baby for the first time! Six days ago we also found out that there was some sort of growth or tumor inside me. Six days ago my heart leapt and then moments later dropped out the bottom of my feet. I didn't know what to feel...but I did know what I needed to do. I needed to pray and lift the burden of the unknown up to the Lord. I called my Mom, my sister B, and some friends that I knew would begin praying me thru this. And they did, and you did too. 6 days later I am still filled with a sense of calm and peace. I am not filled with panic or doubt or fear. I am able to laugh and talk to this growing 11 week old baby inside me and I am able to eat healthy knowing I am giving the right nutrition to our child. It's your prayers that are at work. I know that alone I would not be this calm in the face of some of the questions that K and I have. We have since found out that the growth is a "large exophytic fibroid" that is about 2.5" x 3.5" x 3.0" at the top left of my uterus. Hopefully we can just watch it and be aware of it throughout pregnancy and it will not interfere. We have an appointment with a specialist in a week to have some of these questions answered. And I am so blessed too by the way this specialist was brought to us. Our midwife recommeded him and praised his work and ethics and diligence. Then I was talking to my chiropractor about the fibroid and she recommended that I see the VERY SAME DOCTOR! These are two women who I trust with my body and they were both telling me to go to the same specialist. It really was a God moment for me. I felt even more calm and actually happiness that we are in the right place and that He is still in control and taking care of us. Truly your prayers are at work here in our lives. I cannot thank you enough! God bless you all!

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." Psalms 55:22

it's like a mud bomb went off in our yard!

So, we thought it would be fun to do some much needed landscaping at our house...The Hubby and I really are made for each other. We love these insane projects! Take a look at some before & durings...I HOPE to have the AFTER pics by the end of this weekend. We used a bobcat and really tore stuff up! I love the scaled back front yard area already!

North Side before...

North side during...

Front yard before...

Front yard during...

I'll post more as we make more progress this week! Child slave labor is welcomed!

a little of the baby back story & updates

I knew the instant that we conceived that I was pregnant. I just knew it. I could tell. I felt this all-consuming peacefulness just envelop me. It was a place of calm, peace, safety and I *know* I heard the Holy Spirit convey to me that it was alright. It is that calm and peace and just 'knowing' that sustains me.

Near the beginning of the pregnancy K and I were going to be apart for 10 days! He was leaving to head to South Dakota to help out some friends and I was going to D.C. for that restoration class. Since we were going to be apart I wanted to take the pregnancy test while we together. I took 2 of them and both of them were negative. But I still smiled and hugged K and told him, "It's ok honey, we're still pregnant. I just know it." It was that faith in myself (and knowing my body) and that sense of calm that gave me that conviction. Finally, after I got back home 10 days later, two pregnancy tests finally read POSITIVE. I think my poor hubby was a little shocked. We had only been trying to get pregnant for one month and -BOOM- right outta the gate, we were!

We've been having fun talking about names, reading name books, reading nursing books and natural birth books. Kyle would like to find out if it's a boy or girl, but I gently vetoed him. I *love* surprises! I figure I am going to be working pretty darn hard and at the end of all that work, I'd love the surprise of finding out if it's a boy or girl after all that hard work! So, a surprise it will be! We are discussing baby room decor too. Let's face it, baby room decor is for mom and dad, not the baby! We are thinking something generic like bugs or safari or jungle animals.

I still have that sense of calm, despite some of the things that I am finding in my early research. (see yesterday's post here for details) I am grateful for all of the prayers that are being said for us right now. K and I are both admittedly scared, but we are staying calm and gentle. I am tweaking my eating habits a little bit, no more processed foods, white flour or sugars. Whole grains, preferably gluten free. I will still stay with the loads of organic veggies, fruits and meats as I have been. I was eating somewhat "clean" before, but I think bringing it up a notch is only going to benefit Baby and me. Let's face it, DQ tastes great, but it's the worst crap you can give your baby or your body. ;-) I am grateful that I have only been drinking tea and water. No bad caffeine habit to kick! I guess I wanted to just say thank you all for your prayers and well wishes and referrals for doctors with whom you have had great experiences. I did get a copy of the radiology report and talked to our midwife. It is a "large exophytic uterine fibroid." She told me that this is likely not going to affect much, we just have to keep an eye on it to be sure it doesn't affect the placenta or the baby position. She referred us to an OB who is pretty remarkable and with whom she has worked before. Our midwife will continue to be the caregiver for our pregnancy and this other doctor will be the one who we consult with for the fibroid. Once we find out more about what kind of fibroid and related issues, we'll share it here.

Wait, I just had a super funny thought pop into my head...what if I am growing a little teddy bear-like thing for the baby? Just a little toy to keep it company? Ok, ya, you can tell that I didn't sleep much last night...

Today my dear friend Tina had a great faith filled blog that you can read here. This scripture verse from her blog today is really speaking to me:

You are my hiding place, Lord; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7

Pretty much sums it up.

not how I wanted to tell you I was pregnant

Here is our baby! Head is down to the right, little hands in the middle and 5 white toes easily seen in the top of the pic on one foot!

I had composed all sorts of wonderful ways to tell my bloggy friends that I am pregnant. I was just waiting until today, my official 10 weeks and my first ultrasound to tell you! I needed an image to go with the blog! The good news is that Baby is great! It was moving all over the place like a jumping bean, swimming upside down, spinning right side up, kicking, waving it's cute tiny arms and even flexing it's wrists as if to wave to us! Ya, I teared up and K was amazed at how much he could see and how clear everything seemed to be. We giggled and smiled and held hands so tightly.

I am blessed with a hubby who insisted on some kind of testing and wanted an ultrasound. I never would have chosen to have one. We were blessed with a very diligent ultrasound technician. She wanted to see the whole uterus and ovaries and all the plumbing. It wasn't til she went looking for the left ovary that the mood got a little more somber. It took some finding but she got it. On the way there she found a large mass that was very black on the screen. It was 4-5x the size of my ovary and on the left side of my uterus. She, of course, couldn't make a diagnosis but she wondered out loud for us what it was. It's possible that it's a fibroid, but we don't know. I don't know how it's attached and to what, I don't know if it will affect the growth of the baby or if as the uterus grows if it may rupture taking a blood vessel or artery with it. I am sure my uterus is pretty darn vascular right now, I don't want things exploding near there!

But despite all the "what if's" I am still calm. Calm enough to not cry. I called my mom, sister and some dear friends who I know are prayer warriors. I ask you to join them. Please pray that we are lead to a good doctor, pray for discernment for the doctor and us, pray that baby stays safe and can continue to grow and thrive. Pray that this is nothing that needs any medical attention. I am reminded that God already knew this was inside me. He saw it long before we had the scan and saw it. God knows every fiber of my being. He is with me and I feel His calm presence and peace. I am blessed to know that our baby is healthy and growing like it should be and moving like crazy! Oh how I look forward to feeling some of those acrobatics!

Here is baby lying on it's back, head is on the left side looking towards right side of screen, feet are kicked up!

toga, toga, toga

We went to a Toga birthday party last weekend. It was hilarious! A bunch of 30-somethings in togas of various shape, color and form! Thank you Kris for hosting such a fun birthday party!!! Love ya doll!

da bomb-diggity

My little sister is da bomb-diggity. I think that's her new favorite word too! It's funny to hear her say it! A coupla months ago her teenage son was giving her a hard time and she was just like "oh, ya? I am still your mom and I can take you out!" She followed up by taking him over her shoulders and walking up the yard with him! It was hilarious! She is an amazing mom, a loving sister and a gift of a friend. I am blessed to call her my sister! I love you B!

A weekend of playing!!!

I am so excited for my weekend! I get to spend all day Saturday at a Faithbooking crop. For those of you who don't know scrapbooking, a crop is just an all day (or weekend) event where you gather with other women and work on your scrapbooks. The Faithbooking ones are super special for me because I am surrounded by women of faith who are working on journaling and documenting their lives, beliefs, dreams and morals for their families. The place we work from is a church and you can tell that you are in a Sanctuary the moment you walk in. It's a safe place, a calm place, a place of peace and worship. Really, a perfect place to work on scrapbooks. It's important to share more than a photo and where you are in your scrapbooks. These are books where we can record our dreams, hopes, fears. Our challenges and life lessons too. It's a place to write about our beliefs and faith. I love it! It also happens to be a crop where there are *always* yummy treats to partake in too!

After cropping all day we are going to a girlfriends Toga-themed birthday party. I will be sure to take toga pics! Then Sunday is a birthday party for my teenage nephew! Lots of fun! Have a wonderful, safe weekend all!

I PASSED!!!!!

(Above, dad and me at work after getting the good news!)

It was a month ago this week that I was suffering through the most grueling test in our industry. It was a week of *very* late nights studying. It was a week of missing the Hubby fiercely. It was a week of hard work! It was a week of feeling like I had to prove something because I was the only woman in the class but not wanting to be a witch.

It was all worthwhile! I received my exam score in the mail today.92.3%! I am so thrilled! This class has been taught for the last 20+ years averaging 25-40 people per year and there are less than 530 folks with this earned designation. Wow! It's pretty special for me too because my dad is one of those elite few Certified Restorers! After I write my formal report I will be among them.

belated 4th of July fun!

I am sooo delinquent in posting! Sorry everyone! We had a great weekend of camping along the St. Croix river; kayaking, rock climbing, naps, reading, and just hanging out. To say it was wonderful would be an understatement! Now I need to figure out the next open weekend we have so we can do more camping! Later this week I will see if I can find a pic of me on the rock wall at Taylors Falls. I had some great moves on the rocks and hopefully there is a pic of one of them. Have a great work week everyone!