baby update

We had the specialist appointment today to discuss the fibroid and how it may affect me and the baby. Turns out that there is not a damn thing we can do about it. It's there, it may grow, it may not. If it does start to affect the baby, it can't be operated on. It just stays there. I am angry. I am frustrated and I am pissed off (sorry Mom, but I am PO'd). I am at an increased risk of miscarriage and according to the doctor, each week longer we stay pregnant is a good week. There is an increased risk of preterm labor, starting as early as 20 weeks. And again, not a damn thing I can do...there are no activities that make it worse or better, no foods, nothing, just normal pregnancy living. Oh and praying too, of course. I was reminded again tonight that God already knew all this and that I am soooo not in control. It's hard to be reminded of that. It's hard to realize that my dream birth might not happen, it's hard to hear that passing the 12 or 14 week mark doesn't mean that my risk of miscarriage goes down.

So, all we can do is pray and watch and wait. We go for another ultrasound in about 4 weeks and see the specialist doctor after that again. In the meanwhile, we keep our regular prenatal appointments with our midwife.

We did learn a little about fibroids too. This fibroid is actually in the muscular layers of the uterus. It's not inside the uterine cavity or suspended outside of the uterus like an independent growth. This fibroid is pretty large already and is like a large bundle of semi-muscular tissue that is in the layers of the uterine muscle. It cannot be safely operated on while I am pregnant. The uterus is too vascular and it would be a surgery that could cost me my life so they don't attempt it unless there are dire circumstances. The fibroid has probably been there for years, but it was likely the size of a marble or smaller. Fibroids seemingly "explode" in growth when there is a lot of estrogen in the system...like during pregnancy! Typically, 4-6 months after birth the fibroids shrink back down to almost nothing. Oh, and the hormones that affect the fibroid are my hormones, not the baby's - so even if it's a girl, her hormones wouldn't affect it.

K was a dear and reminded me that we have had lots of wonderful things happen in this pregnancy and that this is not necessarily bad, it just "is." But tonight, with all those damn hormones raging through my body I am mad and frustrated.

If you have some extra time, I'd sure appreciate some prayers. Please pray that I calm down and hand this over to God. Pray that the fibroid is an "inconsequential" part of my pregnancy and does not affect baby, labor, delivery or me.